Toronto Star columnist wants King Charles III to get his 'royal purple arse over here'.

King Charles III

So where is King Charles III when Canada needs him? Not a peep out of His Majesty since U.S. President Donald Trump has been blathering and bloviating about this country becoming the 51st American state, repeated ad nauseam, any time he can wedge in a dig. Stony silence as well from the useless Governor General. For that matter, where are the 55 other nations in the Commonwealth that was so vitally important to the late Queen? They haven’t said boo in defence of their beleaguered fraternal member. Or … hello, Europe?

In a constitutional monarchy, the king can’t proclaim “off with his head,” nor ruffle any governance feathers. But savvy Queen Elizabeth II knew how to thread that needle, making her position known in times of crisis. For instance she used her influence among Commonwealth leaders to suspend Zimbabwe over its human rights abuses. (President Robert Mugabe, a dyed-in-the-wool Anglophile despite the legacy of colonialism in what was Rhodesia, went into such a fury — his knighthood also stripped — that he later withdrew Zimbabwe from the organization.)

A coronet-ed head does have subtle power. But Canada might as well be on the other side of the moon, rather than merely the other side of the Atlantic, for all the support for sovereign dominion that Charles has expressed these past few weeks. Links between Charles and Canada have been historically strong — he’s made 19 visits, though all as Prince of Wales, last in these parts in 2022. As the Queen spread out her children and grandchildren as nominal figureheads of the Crown across the Commonwealth, establishing particularly close ties, we got Prince Andrew, who attended school here.

Lucky us.

Trump, who has long been in awe of the Royal Family, was especially enthralled by the Queen. Awe for royals but now OW for Canada as the disrupter-in-chief has deep-sixed turned diplomacy, with a slew of whinges about America’s northern neighbour and greatest trading partner. He might not wear a bejewelled headpiece — oh how he wishes — but he’s certainly been wielding his Sharpie like a sword in a frenzy of executive orders.

Charles may not want to be seen as mucking into a partisan spat between Canada and the U.S. But, he’s never had difficulty getting his sentiments across via leaks to the media by assorted confidantes and acolytes. That’s how he effectively demonized Diana as the cuckoo Princess of Wales during the mutually hostile years that threatened the future of the monarchy. And if he doesn’t want to step into this political whirlwind, then send Prince William. Remind Trump that we are part of a much bigger historical empire, millennia old. The USA is, relatively, a pipsqueak and Pax Americana is already in decline. We even once burned down their damn White House. Well, the British did in 1814 during the War of 1812.

Of course, royals need to receive an invitation to step foot in Canada — not including Prince Harry, who went off the protocol grid when he and Meghan landed for a few months in a Vancouver Island mansion after the turncoat Sussexes bolted as “working royals,” before packing up for California. No such invite has been extended. Doubtless “Governor Trudeau,” as Trump disses the prime minister, has more urgent matters on his mind — contending with the unhinged president and staring into the abyss of his protracted resignation with a Liberal leadership race in full throttle. But seriously, in a time of existential upheaval, he really should draft in all the help he can get.

President Donald Trump signing yet another Executive Order

The Beltway Bully obviously delights in provoking Canada, tossing around insults whilst reinventing the presidential wheel. Everyone knows, though, that there’s only one way to deal with a bully and that’s to sock him back twice as hard. While at first, when the coveting-Canada postulation was viewed as just a lame joke, it was easy to let the jibe slide. “Never going to happen,’’ said Trudeau last month of the U.S. annexing Canada. Just Trump being Trump, laying the foundation for future negotiations, arm-twisting an ally like no other over tariffs disastrous for both countries, triggering a trade war and force-marching Ottawa into stiffening its borders against illegal migrants and fentanyl.

Except Trump wasn’t just blowing smoke. He did unilaterally rename the Gulf of Mexico, he did wrangle concessions out of Panama over the canal, he did turn his rapacious eye for territorial expansion toward Greenland. At least Denmark countered by threatening to impose a 500 per cent tariff on Ozempic and Wegovy, the weight loss drugs trademarked by a Danish pharmaceutical company. And Trump did — still does apparently — intend to plant the U.S. flag in Gaza, exiling some 2 million Palestinians.

So no, not laughing at Trump’s witless cheek anymore. Just last week, Trudeau told an economic summit in Toronto that he believes Trump’s fixation on Canada is “a real thing” and that the president hankers for this country’s abundance of critical minerals. Trudeau may have once taken Patrick Brazeau to the mat in a charity boxing match but his jabs at Trump have scarcely amounted to rabbit punches. It’s been embarrassing from many angles, even as Trump’s craven hunger for us has galvanized a nation so often at regional knives drawn.

It was actually former Prime Minister Stephen Harper who came out swinging. At the recent launch of his new book, Harper told a private audience: If I was still prime minister, I would be prepared to impoverish the country and not be annexed, if that was the option we’re facing. Now, because I do think if Trump were determined, he could really do wide structural and economic damage, but I wouldn’t accept that. I would accept any level of damage to preserve the independence of the country.’’

Put some more lead in your pencil, Justin, and go out with a bang-bang.

And Your Highness? The real one, not the pretender Prince Trudeau — get your royal purple arse over here.